Vagenturecbos's game Reviews on Newgrounds

[The Hunt]

Why is the THREAT medal that way? What is the significance of the order of the skulls when done for that medal?

[Freak Show]

this is so fun and creepy! reminds me of forgotten hill! Don't stop making games? please?
the monkey puzzle is odd. as of this post I haven't got it.

[Raccoon Rampage]

the run is too jagged. needs to be smoooooth as butter. ;)

[Dolly House Escape]

man, tomatea, I have been playing yours and other J-games for so many SCRUMPTIOUS years. but seriously, could you... maybe um... make the 'chat toasts' for your pop up text clickable, so they go away when we click them? or make them shorter or something? It's really... taking me out of the game, every game of yours, it is frustrating! Just something to think about, okay? thank you for lovely games!

[Calabozo]

ooo fun, bit like the one about the bones... an o word, can't remember the name.. OSSUARY, that's it.

nice! a bit hard to navigate though, despite having played Ossuary. needs a save so you can go back maybe.

[ClockDay Coin Collect]

fun, clockday and all that. but there's no 'adventure' here.

[The Conjuring Mystery]

Layers of LOL. I played Layers of Fear recently... sweet, man. sweet.

[Spotlight: Room Escape]

... pro tip. These games DO NOT EVER require a TUTORIAL. stop adding tutorials to this type of game, everyone ever. looks FUN though.

[Madotsuki's Dream Dock]

I miss Yume Nikki. Too bad I have a memory for games! I can just replay bits in my head, or go online to see the rest. Beat that game, and it was AWESOME. heheh. those wavyhandstairz! O.o

I wish I hadn't already played Mermaid Swamp.. damn it.

[Sins Of Daisy Episode 1]

You're a young writer, aren't you? ;) Perhaps till in school? I can tell because of the way you structure the sentences. They should show more maturity in terms of grammar and style. And they should be fluid, not forced. try to be more intuitive and varied in how you structure your work. ;) Think about the tone and mood of the moment. The sentence should feel that way, as well as read that way.

Look at it like this:

1. My husband... he is outside.

this sentence is VERY STIFF, NOT ORGANIC, and not how normal people speak. It's too rigid, too perfect. Think about how you would say it, not how the English book tells you to. It sounds like a foreigner with poor English or a robot who doesn't give a damn. either one is bad, unless that's what you are going for here, which I doubt. ;))))

2. My husband's outside. Now get out of my kitchen!
This sentence gives fire, and evidence that the character is actually alive in terms of being a person in the story. It also subtly lets the main character know that the husband is an option, without outright saying it.

See? ;))

ZeroDigitZ responds:

Thanks for the helpful tips. I will try to improve on making my characters more emotionally-driven and less robotic.